How Great Is This?

"He thinks the city of Cleveland is TURRRIBLE!"

Playing Fielders! What up? Ready to get in some cheap laughs off a post I spent less than three minutes on? Here's a video featuring the crew from the NBA on TNT.
The creator of this video had his claim to fame for making the official tourism video for the city of Cleveland, Ohio. In his own words:

"The Cleveland Tourism Board gave me 14 million dollars about 8 months ago to make a promotional video to bring people to Cleveland. As usual, I waited till the last minute and I ended up having to shoot and edit it in about an hour yesterday afternoon. I probably should have invested more time."

--- bishopvids

When reached for comment, Charles Barkley calmly looked up from his tee and said, "I'ma dumbass."

I Like Clemson...

...but not THIS much.

Sorry, Jackie Chan, but this video is pretty hilarious. I guess this guy snaps after seeing the Tigers get their stripes wiped by the Gerogia Technicians of downtown Atlanta. Now, the announcers sell this thing with their commentary while Student 2 throws a total hissy and Student 1 prepares to go postal on the entire stadium.

Now see, I like Clemson, but I don't remember them winning a whole lot in the ACC. I think the last couple years they were even beaten by Wake Forest a couple times (SPOILER: that's bad). And Kovar can attest to this one, but we both saw Clemson go flaccid against the Nebraska Cornhuskers at the 2009 GatorBowl. I guess it was the support of such fans as Larry the Cable Guy that clinched the Clemson loss, who knows?

Now as an avid Central Florida fan, I expect to fail. O'Leary calls the same running play about 97 percent of the time, and we struggle to beat teams like the Samford Bulldogs, so when I see UCF lose, it's an expected personal loss. 2004 brought about one of the weakest losses:

"UCF scored its overtime touchdown when Moffett rolled right and found a diving Huggins in the near corner. Moffett, also coming off the bench, completed four of seven passes for 93 yards and two TDs with an interception. But Prater, a junior who had made 77 of 82 PATs in his career, pushed the kick wide right to set off a celebration on the Ohio sideline that quickly spilled out into the field. He also missed field goals of 31 and 45 yards in the first half."

-- UCF Falls in Overtime to Ohio, 17-16

This was on our own turf! So Clemson fans, join the club. At least GT wasn't at home to F up your field.

Boooo Jimmy Clausen

Jimmy Clausen is in his second full year at the helm of the Notre Dame offense and is starting to put up Heisman-worthy numbers (of what relevance that is I have not the strangest idea). Normally I just dismissive wank whoever the Fightin' Irish quarterback is at the time but I have a few bones to pick with this asshat.

1. He goes to Notre Dame, that sorry sack of a private school that sets its own rules. Who else would sign an exclusive contract with a major broadcast channel, even if they are playing the middest of mid-majors? What other school has special BCS placing clauses*? Man up Irish; join a conference and abort playing Air Force and Syracuse, will ya?
2. He looks like a super-bro. The kind of guy that would boast loudly about jaeger-whatever. The brand of bro that would rock a 'trendy' pink polo and buy designer hair product. Yeah, you know Jimmy sports the JCrew.

3. His two older brothers played quarterback at an equally douche-tastic school, Tennessee. Now Jimmy is complaining about turf toe and might not play. That is exactly what an effeminate younger brother would miss playing for--'turf' toe. You play on grass, asshole.

4. He still goes by Jimmy. There are only two instances in which a grown man can be called by a variation of his given name that ends with a y-- you are either a gangster or you are only referred to that by an older relative. I'm not related to you, Jimmy, and I'm pretty sure Scott Van Pelt isn't a mafioso. Besides, like 95% of guys that go by Jimmy suck ass.

Jimmy Buffett

Jimmy Volmer

Jimmy Fallon

This is a rule that's broken by all sorts of named men. Here's looking at you Joey Porter and Davey Jones.

Basically what I'm stabbing at is if college quarterbacks are juice, than Tim Tebow is the orgasmic Simply Orange, Terrelle Pryor is that kind of weird tasting squeeze with the calcium and other crap added in, and Clausen is that stuff you find in the freezer section that looks like it should be biscuits or something.

*I am fairly certain that if Notre Dame wins x amount of games, say ten, they automatically qualify for a BCS bowl game. I will try to track down that answer sooner than later.

They Must Be Stopped

By Guest Contributor Ben Pearson


I can't take it anymore. Verne Lundquist and Gary Danielson must be stopped.

During the Florida/Tennessee game last weekend, the damn-near-senile Lundquist referred to UF's kicker as "Jacob Sturgis" when his name is clearly "Caleb Sturgis." It is the latest in a long line of mispronunciations, glaring factual errors, haphazard references, and utterly biased playcalling that not only broke my camel's back, but defecated onto its corpse.

[Keep in mind, for the purposes of this article, I'm not going to delve into the abyss of this inexplicable tandem's NCAA basketball commentating. I don't have the willpower or the strength of heart to count how many times ol' Verne called Chris Richard "Cliff Richards" - but I'm guessing it was upwards of three hundred.]

I want to point out that Danielson and Lundquist are pretty heavily biased in favor of the Florida Gators. This is evidenced by their glowing commentary in the National Championship game last year and highlighted to hilarious effect in this compilation video of every time they mentioned Tim Tebow's name during the 2007 FL/Florida State game.



One might assume that I, as an ardent Florida fan, would welcome the media's positive coverage of the Gators - but that is not the case. These guys might literally believe that Tebow is the second coming of Jesus Christ. I'm not trying to be blasphemous or anything, and I certainly don't subscribe to that school of thought - I'm simply not sure if the Cantankerous Combo believes it or not. Sometimes I honestly can't tell from their commentary if they are watching a football game or literally witnessing a miracle. It's sickening to hear from either side, even the one supporting the same team they are. CBS has got to get rid of these guys.

Listen, I'm all for the Gators (stand up and holler), but I can't support this level of journalistic integrity (or lack thereof). I understand that in times when print journalism is rapidly dying, sensationalism sells: Lundquist and Danielson want to keep people watching, and jumping on the Florida bandwagon while Tebow (arguably one of the greatest college football players of all time) is on a third quest for a national title is a sure-fire way to lock down an audience of middle-of-the-fence football fans. But there has to be a line somewhere, and these guys crossed it years ago. They've sold their souls to the devil, and in the process have taken it so far over the top you might as well start calling them Lincoln Hawk.

In the interest of personally insulting Gary Danielson, a couple things come to mind. First off - and this isn't an insult as much as a fact - the guy didn't even study journalism in college. He doesn't have a degree relevant to his career as a broadcaster. He majored in Industrial Management, for crying out loud. Somebody on an Alabama fan board ranting about how terrible he is took the liberty of compiling Danielson's career statistics at the quarterback position while he was at Purdue: 81 TD's, 78 INT's. I guess that's bad, but it's not THAT bad. But this is not a joke: Verne Lundquist is affectionately known among his peers as "The Golden Throat." Come on, people - that joke writes itself.

So please, for the love of God, write your local congressman or something to get these guys taken off the air. I know, I know - then we wouldn't have anything to complain about during the season. But trust me, I'd take the jackholes from Raycom over the hyperbolic rants of Gary and Verne any day of the week. If you need any more convincing, here's a video of the Tedious Twosome doing the Soulja Boy dance during a broadcast.

I Still Wanna Be Like Mike.

This is a response to the following article: Jordan Goes From Classy to Clown

Well, Michael Jordan is finally in the Hall of Fame. But some people say his 23-minute speech went from "classy to clown". Wait a sec? Did we forget that this is Michael f*cking Jordan? He can say anything he wants and it'll go engraved on a plaque over my front door. The greatest basketball player ever can pick on every single person he's met and stood in his way, "a dot on [his] board", and is no clown. The speech is really good actually, so enjoy it for yourself.

Would I like to see the man play again at 50? Would I like to see him coach? Sure. The man doesn't just represent basketball, he represents hard work and determination in all its forms, and THAT'S what I'll remember him for.

"Only $99.99 for the Cartoon Branz Ab Workout!"

Piven Pummeled on Monday Night Raw

So while winning my first ever PokerStars sit and go tournament (ah-thanku), I heard from The Playing Field's own Joey Joe that Jeremy "The Goods" Piven was hosting Monday Night Raw along with his Asian sidekick Ken Joeng Il. Well, I usually catch Raw when there is literally nothing else to do or all channels but USA have been blacked-out by the FCC, so when I sat down to check this out, I was pretty amused.

Now, there's this new character that Piven calls Le Miz who was originally on The Real World. Apparently the only thing you need to join the WWE is a skin tight speedo and you have to be an arrogant douche. Thankfully, everyone featured in this video, Le Miz, John "Deere" Cena, Piven and Jong included, has 50% or more of these qualities.

So enjoy this installment of Trehern Does WWE...RAW!!!